This is one of the hardest lessons to learn.

Even at age 88 and 84, both my parents still struggle with this lesson.

I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve said “I’m sorry” to each one of them.

I’m sorry for burning the house down when I was in elementary school. I’m sorry for wasting so much of your money and our home we lived in by opening up a club in Raleigh and closed the business in six months. I’m sorry for causing so much pain and suffering to my entire family through my many failures and get-rich-quick schemes.

And yet my father cannot bring himself to say “I’m sorry” for all the horrendous things he has inflicted upon each of us.

All I hear every day is how much he wishes I would die in a horrific car accident or die from cancer.

And yet I take care of him with the best of my abilities and capabilities that I can afford. I feed him. I take him to all his medical appointments.

My father refuses to apologize for putting my mom in the hospital when I was in college. He refuses to apologize for any of the countless physical, mental, and psychological abuse.

Can you imagine?

I said enough.

I do not plan on giving any more details than I have already. This is out of respect and to honor my family’s name.

Just know that he is a monster.

And that monster lives inside me.

That is the monster that I control every waking second.

Do you have the resolve to be in my shoes?

I have a strong belief that my God never puts me into any obstacle or challenge that He does not feel I have the resolve and strength to get through.

This is just one ball that I juggle every day for the rest of my life.

How many balls do you juggle? How many balls before you lose control?

In order to play a bigger game, mastering Flow State requires expanding your base, your foundation. You must have extraordinary resolve, mental aptitude, and strength.

There is a bigger game and a bigger skill to master. That skill is giving grace and space to those who have wronged you.

Miracles can only happen in the space that you grant them.

The biggest challenge is to give that grace and space so the miracles can happen.

You are at cause of your life — your invented, blessed life. It is a muscle you must exercise like you go to the gym every single day.

Peeling off any opportunity for somebody to apologize makes you play small. It stops your personal development and growth.

The ones who hurt you the most — in my experience — are family. It usually has to do with money, or power, or control. Those who have greed are evil. It is pure ego.

YOUR EGO IS NOT YOUR AMIGO.

There’s a game I learned in Landmark Education to tame my ego. Here’s the game I play with my ego:

When I catch my ego, I imagine my ego is an old and busted Christmas tree. Every time I touch it, I hang a new ornament. These are not normal ornaments. They’re more like a dead skunk, a clown in a noose. You get the idea.

The picture I paint for you — why would I ever give my ego any power when it looks like that?

If you continue to give your ego power it does not deserve, you are the fool.

I highly recommend everyone watch the movie The Revolver. One of my favorite movies, all-star cast, released in 2005. Here’s the trailer link. This movie is one of the deepest I have encountered. Wait for the credits.

I will list out a handful of other movies for you to check out along with their trailers.

I pray one day that Mama Tan and Papa Tan will learn and master the art of “I’m sorry.” This is a choice they must make willingly. It is not up to me to force anyone to do anything. It is my responsibility to give them the grace and space for that miracle to happen.

That is all I have to say about this topic.

Stew on it. Marinate. Noodle. Go pop a squat 💩 in your birthday suit… also known as …. naked… bare naked (ladies)… in the buff, improbably unencumbered by any fabric whatsoever.

这是最难学会的教训之一。

即使在88岁和84岁的时候，我的父母仍然在挣扎着学习这一课。

我已经数不清我对他们每个人说过多少次“我对不起”了。

我为小学时烧毁房子而道歉。我为浪费了你们那么多钱，还让我们居住的家陷入困境——我在Raleigh开了一家俱乐部，只经营了六个月就关闭了——而道歉。我为通过我许多失败和快速致富计划，给整个家庭带来如此多的痛苦和折磨而道歉。

然而，我的父亲却无法让自己为他施加在我们每个人身上的所有可怕事情说“我对不起”。

我每天听到的都是他多么希望我死于可怕的车祸或死于癌症。

然而，我尽我所能、用我负担得起的最好方式照顾他。我喂他。我带他去所有的医疗预约。

我的父亲拒绝为我在大学时把他妈妈送进医院而道歉。他拒绝为任何无数的身体、精神和心理虐待而道歉。

你能想象吗？

我说够了。

我不想再提供比已经给出的更多细节了。这是出于尊重和为了维护我家族的名誉。

只知道，他就是一个怪物。

而那个怪物活在我里面。

那是我每醒来的每一秒都在控制的怪物。

你有决心站在我的鞋子里吗？

我有一个强烈的信念，我的上帝从来不会给我任何他认为我没有决心和力量去克服的障碍或挑战。

这是我余生每天都要杂耍的一个球。

你正在杂耍多少个球？在你失去控制之前，你能接住多少个球？

为了玩一个更大的游戏，掌握心流状态需要扩展你的基础，你的根基。你必须拥有非凡的决心、心理能力和力量。

有一个更大的游戏和一个更大的技能需要掌握。那个技能就是给予那些伤害过你的人恩典和空间。

奇迹只能发生在你给予的空间里。

最大的挑战就是给予那种恩典和空间，让奇迹得以发生。

你是你生活的起因——你所创造的、被祝福的生活。它是一块你必须像每天去健身房一样锻炼的肌肉。

剥夺任何人道歉的机会，只会让你玩小游戏。它会停止你的个人发展和成长。

伤害你最深的人——根据我的经验——是家人。它通常与金钱、权力或控制有关。那些有贪婪之心的人是邪恶的。它是纯粹的自我。

YOUR EGO IS NOT YOUR AMIGO。

我在Landmark Education学到了一个游戏来驯服我的自我。这就是我和我的自我玩的游戏：

当我抓住我的自我时，我想象我的自我是一棵又旧又破的圣诞树。每当我触碰到它，我就挂上一个新的装饰品。这些不是普通的装饰品。它们更像是一只死臭鼬，一个套着绞索的小丑。你懂我的意思。

我为你描绘的这幅画面——我为什么要把权力交给看起来那么丑陋的东西呢？

如果你继续给予你的自我它不配拥有的权力，那你就是傻瓜。

我强烈推荐每个人都去观看电影《左轮手枪》。这是我最喜欢的电影之一，全明星阵容，2005年发行。这里是预告片链接。这是我遇到过的最深刻的电影之一。请看到片尾字幕。

我会列出一些其他电影给你查看，连同它们的预告片。

我祈祷有一天，谭妈妈和谭爸爸能学会并掌握“我对不起”的艺术。这是他们必须自愿做出的选择。我不能强迫任何人做任何事情。我的责任是给予他们恩典和空间，让那个奇迹发生。

这就是关于这个话题我要说的全部。