English
I graduated high school with a road rash down my left calf from laying down my motorcycle the right before. At the hospital I remember signing, “I love you” to my parents as they were comforting me from my pain. Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. The summer before my senior year I had completed Army Basic Training
in Columbia, South Carolina at Fort Jackson It was hot AF? I came back cussing like a military man would. I left Fort Jackson as an Expert shooter. I was the best of the best in the Company missing only 1 out of 40 shots.
Basic training opened my eyes to how great of a life I had that was possible from Mama Tan. I also observed IRL “Can’t hit the broad side of a barn.” Then you understand “column fodder,” I am writing this turning 51 in two days AND I’m stuck here at Eleos. What a great way to spend my birthday. This totally beats my Road Trip back to NC on
my Veges trip to see Mondo + Felicia. Enough about present time.. let’s go back into time to my college years.
My college years were quite eventful. Mama Tan’s success with Bamboo Gardens allowed me to experience college debt free. I hustled all through college to, volunteered
my time at the Sports Medicine department as an Athletic Trainer.
Before my Sports Medical, Athletic Trainer tour, my freshman year was spent
between racquetball and spades with New Jersey rules. My college roommate was Greg Sellman. I grew up with Greg in Asheboro. He worked at Sandy’s next to Bamboo Gardens and we hung out a lot.
While we haven’t been in each other’s lives in decades, Greg is still one of my closest friends on the planet. And so is his brother. It is our relationships with
one another that gives our lives meaning and purpose. While I am stuck here, I have plans to see my childhood friends.
When I reflect on myself personally, specifically on my Mental Health
Stability”, I can only focus on myself and what brings me the most joy+ happiness.
I can tell you that it is not Eleos nor is it any of the side programs my “expert” county and state run doctors are shoving at me. NO. It is an oxymoron to think this place can do a better job than me to improve my personal mental health stability.
My next treatment will cover this topic in detail. Watching a normal person lose their shit in front of you and the pile on of staff to put this person down while listening to them scream,”What did I do: PLEASE! I’m SORRY” Repeat… It is sad to see this happen. Sickcare vs. Health and Mental Care.
Back to college shenanigans. The Sellman brothers loved golf and so did I. We loved chasing that little white ball and that little white ball loved to play hide and seek…
So much so, the ball’s extended family would play too. In college our favorite golf course was Reedy Creek. We all loved college ball. They were huge basketball fans. Funny enough Greg went to school at NC State and was the biggest fan for UNC Chapel Hill. His brother is still one of the biggest NC State fans.
As for me, I was always at the games. All of them. I became the Athletic Trainer for NC State Cheerleading for several years. I lived it.. and fell in love with it all. After college, watching from the stands just wasn’t the same.
One thing was true to my heart. I loved music and started DJing. It all started at house parties. I recall a condo nearby campus. Older former people from Asheboro lived there. I remember Ricky. Ricky worked at College Beverage and got Kegs at a discounted rate. When I first made it over there I don’t think they made it through one keg. Women that were my age would drop by before heading out to go clubbing. Ricky’s taste in music was hard metal. I finally had the courage to ask Ricky if I could play music. And then, if started. The same group of women came through, left and no more than an hour would come back with backup. We went from not finishing one key to going through more than five. We had a pyramid of kegs. We would dance on couches, tables, everything.
Then one night someone stole my CD’S. That feeling you get in the pit
of your stomach. Right in the middle of the party too. Disgusting, Thieves have a special
place is my world. House parties were fun, but DJing at a club… now we are talking.
There was a baseball player who went by Michael Rambo, Not Kidding. And he lived in Asheboro. He was bartending or did something with a local bar called, “The Big Bad Wolf” They needed a DJ to start “College night. Guess who got to start it? Once I got established Of “The Big Bed Wolf,” I then started “College Night” at Have A Nice Day Cafe, TIME, Banana Joes does then started Fahrenheit which failed hard in six months.
Talk about a reality check. At the time I was working in Richmond, VA on a project
for Suntrust. I had perfected cascading inserts & deletes in C#.NET. Mama Tan always told me to work hard, learn everything.
I did just that while DJing. I yearned to make remixes like Himis Funkymix, I even met the team in Greensboro NC. Their setup through Apple was pushing $15K which was too rich for my blood. I chose Cakewalk Sonar and learned the audio editing by brute force.
First Remix was Puff Daddy – I’ll Be Missing You with a mashup of sting when he performed for MTV VMA awards. Greg had recorded it on VHS tape and I was able to feed the input into Cakewalk. I dropped it at a Delta Sig Lake Night party I was DJing.
It was a hit! And you know what else hit. NC State Gymnastics, Cheer, and Dance all
had me create routine music for years. NC State Coaches choreographed for other universities ie. JMU Dukettes, Columbia Dance, Duke Dance. Cathy Bucky also enlisted my assistance with Champion Cheer. It was an honor and privilege to work and collaborate with everyone.
I did a CO-OP during my sophomore year with Nortel. It was here where I learned Pro Engineer, milling, CNC punch, sheet metal fabrication and prototyping. My blessed life requires a few hiccups to allow me to recognize when the blessed days are present.
Between sheet metal fabrication, prototyping, and levering everything I can put my
hands, my niche in IT Consulting became programming with C#.NET on top of the database layer. Being able to prototype & update the DB on the fly and regenerating stored procedures and functions proved to be cares valuable even now with
EA. Creating automation HR programs to lift manual rights is such a superpower
with AI (GROK) the possibilities are “endless”. Truth be known, I am in this god foreseen place because I played too big, obscurity, offended the local population. They do not understand the global side of AI. If they did they would realize Utopia & understand we are and readied total abundance.
简体中文
高中毕业时，我的左小腿上还留着一道因前一天摔摩托车而造成的擦伤。我记得在医院里，当父母试图安抚我以减轻痛苦时，我用手语向他们比划着：“我爱你们。”痛苦是不可避免的，但受苦却是可以选择的。在我高三前的那个暑假，我前往南卡罗来纳州哥伦比亚市的杰克逊堡（Fort Jackson），完成了陆军基础训练。那里的天气简直热得要命！回来之后，我的嘴里像个老兵一样满是粗话。离开杰克逊堡时，我已经是一名“专家级射手”了。我是全连队里最顶尖的射手，40发子弹里只脱靶了一发。
基础训练让我大开眼界，让我意识到多亏了“谭妈妈”（Mama Tan），我才得以拥有如此美好的生活。我也亲眼见识到了现实生活中那种“连谷仓那么大的目标都打不中”的糟糕枪法。看到那种情景，你就能彻底明白什么是所谓的“炮灰”了。我写下这些文字时，距离我满51岁还有两天，而我正被困在 Eleos 疗养中心。这可真是度过生日的“绝佳”方式啊。这经历绝对比我之前为了探望 Mondo 和 Felicia 而驱车回北卡罗来纳州（NC）的那次“素食之旅”还要离奇。关于当下的事就说到这儿吧……让我们把时光倒流，回到我的大学时代。
我的大学时光过得相当丰富多彩。多亏了“竹园餐厅”（Bamboo Gardens）生意上的成功，我得以在没有任何债务负担的情况下读完了大学。整个大学期间，我都在不停地忙碌奔波，甚至在运动医学系做义工，担任一名运动训练师。
在投身运动医学和运动训练师工作之前，我的大一时光主要是在打壁球和玩“黑桃”（Spades）纸牌游戏中度过的——而且玩纸牌时还得严格遵守“新泽西规则”。我的大学室友叫 Greg Sellman。我和 Greg 是在 Asheboro 一起长大的发小。他曾在紧邻“竹园餐厅”的 Sandy’s 快餐店打工，我们俩经常混在一起玩。
虽然我们已经几十年没有出现在彼此的生活中了，但 Greg 依然是我在这个世界上最亲密的朋友之一。他的兄弟也是如此。正是我们彼此之间维系的这份情谊，赋予了我们生命以意义和目标。虽然我现在被困在这里，但我已经计划好了，等脱身后一定要去见见我那些儿时的老友们。当我进行自我反思——特别是针对我个人的“心理健康稳定性”进行反思时——我发现自己只能专注于自身，专注于那些能带给我最大喜悦与幸福的事物。
我可以明确地告诉你：能带给我这些的，既不是 Eleos，也不是那些由县、州政府聘请的所谓“专家”医生们硬塞给我的各种辅助治疗项目。绝非如此。如果以为这个机构能比我自己更好地改善我个人的心理健康稳定性，那简直就是一个自相矛盾的荒谬想法。
在接下来的治疗环节中，我将详细探讨这一话题。试想一下那种情景：眼睁睁看着一个原本正常的人在你面前彻底崩溃失控，随后一大群工作人员一拥而上将其强行制服，而你耳边回荡的却是那人绝望的尖叫声——“我到底做错了什么？求求你们了！” “我很抱歉”——这句话反复回响……眼见这种事情发生，实在令人悲哀。这究竟是“病痛护理”，还是真正的“健康与心理关怀”？
话题回到大学时代的那些趣事上吧。塞尔曼（Sellman）兄弟俩酷爱高尔夫，我也一样。我们热衷于追逐那颗小白球，而那颗小白球似乎也特别喜欢跟我们玩“捉迷藏”的游戏……
它玩得有多起劲呢？就连它的“大家族”成员——也就是那些丢失的球——也仿佛加入了这场游戏。大学期间，我们最常光顾的高尔夫球场是 Reedy Creek。我们都特别迷恋大学体育赛事。塞尔曼兄弟是狂热的篮球迷。说来也怪，格雷格（Greg）虽然就读于北卡州立大学（NC State），却是北卡罗来纳大学教堂山分校（UNC Chapel Hill）的头号粉丝；而他的兄弟至今仍是北卡州立大学最忠实的拥趸之一。
至于我，我几乎场场比赛都不缺席——没错，每一场我都去了。后来，我甚至担任了北卡州立大学啦啦队的随队运动防护员，一干就是好几年。我全情投入，把这份工作视作生命的一部分，并深深爱上了与之相关的一切。大学毕业后，再坐在看台上观赛，那种感觉就再也不复当年了。
有一件事我始终忠于本心：我热爱音乐，并由此开启了我的DJ生涯。这一切都始于那些家庭派对。我记得校园附近有一处公寓，住着几位来自阿什伯勒（Asheboro）的老校友。其中有一位叫瑞奇（Ricky）。瑞奇在一家名为“College Beverage”的酒水店兼职，因此能以优惠价弄到整桶的啤酒（Kegs）。我第一次去那里时，印象中他们连一桶啤酒都没喝完。当时，一些和我年纪相仿的女生会在去夜店狂欢之前，先顺道过来坐坐。瑞奇的音乐品味偏向硬核金属乐（Hard Metal）。终于有一天，我鼓起勇气问瑞奇：我能不能来放点音乐？于是，一切便由此拉开了序幕。那群女生照例过来转了一圈，然后离开了；可不到一个小时，她们竟然又带着一大帮朋友折返了回来。原本我们连一桶啤酒都喝不完，后来却一口气喝光了五桶以上。我们甚至把空酒桶堆成了一座“金字塔”。大家在沙发上、桌子上——凡是能站脚的地方——尽情地载歌载舞。
然而，就在某天晚上，有人偷走了我的CD光盘。那种感觉就像胃里突然被掏空了一样——一种令人作呕的失落感。而且，盗窃案偏偏就发生在派对进行得最火热的时候。真是恶心透了！在我的人生信条里，小偷这种生物理应被归入一个“特殊”的类别（即最令人不齿的一类）。家庭派对虽然有趣，但在夜店里打碟……那才叫真正的带劲儿！
当时有一位棒球运动员，人称“迈克尔·兰博”（Michael Rambo）——我可没开玩笑，他真的叫这个名字。他也住在阿什伯勒。他在当地一家名叫“The Big……”的酒吧里当酒保，或者从事着某种相关的工作。 “坏狼”他们需要一位DJ来主持“大学之夜”。猜猜是谁主持的？在我“大床狼”站稳脚跟之后，我又在Have A Nice Day Cafe、TIME和Banana Joes等地举办了“大学之夜”，之后又创办了Fahrenheit，但六个月后就惨败了。
真是当头棒喝。当时我在弗吉尼亚州里士满为Suntrust银行做一个项目。
我已经精通了C#.NET中的级联插入和删除功能。谭妈妈总是告诉我努力工作，学习一切。
我一边做DJ一边努力做到这一点。我渴望制作像Himis Funkymix那样的混音，我甚至在北卡罗来纳州格林斯伯勒见过他们的团队。他们的设置